Jon & Kate Plus 8 Snark

Treating her kids like objects

2010-12-13T11:02:00.000-08:00

I'm sure the sheeple call this "making sure the kids don't get hit by traffic".

I ~heart~ Sarah Palin's father

2010-12-12T21:21:00.000-08:00

WOW. I had heard of the Palin-Gosselin camping debacle shortly after it had been filmed. We'd heard that Kate stormed out after a few hours. I wondered if the footage would ever be aired.

WOW. Oh, it was aired, all right. There is so much to be said about how ungracious Kate was. About how she used manipulation on her children, who were having a great time and didn't mind the cold. About how she had a patented meltdown again.

Note: I'll just say that I am not a fan of Sarah Palin's politics. I commend her on doing her best to be a gracious hostess, determined to show another family how wonderful Alaska is. I'd go camping with her.

Now I want to focus on just one statement of Kate's: "Why would you pretend to be homeless?"

I'm going to quote Bobby Hankinson here:

That's right. Because homeless people are just hanging out in tents, eating moose hot dogs and roasting marshmallows in North Face jackets. That's exactly what it's like.

You can read the rest of Bobby's review here.

So she thinks what they were experiencing was what homeless people experience. TLC, if you want more footage of Kate being an entitled bitch, may I suggest that you send her to a homeless shelter? Let her see up front and personal what it truly means to be homeless. Let her meet people who could eat for a month if given the money that is spent on Kate's hair extensions. And let her have another meltdown on camera when forced to serve food to them.

Ken Tucker has a review on ew.com.

Kathleen McGinley also weighs in here.

Somebody doesn't look ORGANIC

2010-12-11T09:49:00.000-08:00

Fake tan - CHECK
Forced smile - CHECK
Artificial blond hair - CHECK

Congratulations, Kate. Your transformation into Malibu Barbie is complete*.

* 8 children who need a mother that doesn't fly to NYC for a $2,000 haircut sold separately. And I do mean sold

HLN rips into Kate

2010-12-02T06:28:00.000-08:00

Video

Let's face facts. Kate isn't going to keep the kids off of TV until (a) interest finally dies down enough that no more specials are filmed or (b) one of the kids attempts suicide.

I'm hoping for (a).

Dial back on the plastic surgery!

2010-06-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

Honestly Kate - there was nothing wrong with the way you looked before you started getting work done. Mother Nature gave you great cheekbones and a pretty smile.

Too bad you have a nasty personality that overrides that.

But this?

Put the brakes on. Or this is you in 10 years:

And in 30:

Mutilated by too much surgery and being a bitch means you'll be very lonely in your mansion in your old age.

Also, you dress like a hooker.

I love you Maks

2010-04-28T21:48:00.001-07:00

Don't stop voting!

2010-04-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

I will continue to vote for Niecy on Dancing With The Stars. I love her fun attitude and I appreciate that she puts a lot of work into her dancing. Louis was blessed to get a partner willing to expend effort instead of whining about her life, Kate.

Also, one of Kate's sisters, Clairissa Kreider Mertz, posted this on her I'm Voting for Kate Gosselin in Life! Facebook page:
"BIG FAVOR: Asking you to consider not watching DWTS anymore this season. I'd LOVE to hear that their ratings dipped again & they'll get that it's all b/c Kate left. She caused a ratings spike & I'd love to see her create a drop in viewership also. So can you do w/out DWTS for a few more weeks (till the finale)? If so, ...please take the challenge. Pass the word around to other pro-Kate sites. Thanks!!!"

Kate's mother, Charlene Kolak Kreider, thanked the sheeple commenting:
Once again--you people are SO awesome--Thanks for the support!! God Bless!

Clairissa hasn't learned how to ignore criticism like Khate because then she posted:
VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE, PLEASE READ: I wanted to clarify the last update. I, in no way, asked you not to watch DWTS with malicious intent. I simply thought it would be a cool experiment to show that Kate was really a draw for the show...

Wow, she runs off at the mouth just like Khate! But she does come off as nicer. She added:
Since I'm her sister, she is Numero Uno in my book so I hadn't thought through the impact to the rest of the contestants. If my words were taken negatively, please forgive me! They were not meant in that way. You do what you feel is right & watch what you would like to watch tonight with your family:) God bless!

Maybe Kate has something to learn from her little sister!
The voting numbers:
Chad Ochocincho (with Cheryl Burke): 1-800-868-3401

Erin Andrews (with Makskim Chmerkovskiy): 1-800-868-3403

Jake Pavelka (with Chelsie Hightower): 1-800-868-3404

Niecy Nash (with Louis van Amstel): 1-800-868-3405

Evan Lysacek (with Anna Trebunskaya): 1-800-868-3406

Nicole Scherzinger (with Derek Hough): 1-800-868-3408

Pamela Anderson (with Damian Whitewood): 1-800-868-3411

Stupid PVR

2010-04-19T21:28:00.000-07:00

No screencaps tonight because my PVR decided to record the show in two parts. So I got to see Khate be rude to Tony in rehearsal int he first part, then I got to hear the judges' delightful comments in the second. And the bullshit about the kids.

But I'm sure someone will have the video of the "performance" up. And I love the song choice - Khate certainly doesn't want anyone to forget about her!

Bravo

2010-04-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

http://www.dwtsshow.com/articles/why-no-one-can-hate-kate-more-than-she-hates-herself

Why No One Can Hate Kate More Than She Hates Herself
Watching Kate Gosselin's desperately "happy" smiles, her increasing levels of personal discomfort and, finally, her rehearsal fit-turned-crying-jag on Monday night's Dancing With The Stars made me realize one sad thing. No matter how many tummy-tucks, tooth veneers or hair extensions she gets to meet some external standard of beauty, she'll never feel beautiful and thus, to a great degree, she'll never be beautiful. And no matter how many times Bruno tells her to let herself play a character on the dance floor, what he doesn't really understand is that she already is, and she doesn't know how to stop.

Kate Gosselin is a 35-year-old divorced mother of eight children with a douchebag, tabloid-baiting, midlife crisis-having, younger-lady boning ex-husband who will forever more be colloquailly known as "Stubby," the nickname given to him by Kate's doctor's 22-year-old daughter, Hailey Glassman, who became "the other woman" in the quickly-crumbling Gosselin marriage. And if the thought of having (painful, expensive) plastic surgery to make herself more attractive for her husband only to have him then hook up with her plastic surgeon's daughter doesn't evoke in you some amount of sympathy for Kate, then perhaps we've all bought into the notion of Kate as the Mean Mommy a little too much.

Sure, she's rigid and she's used to setting the rules. She has eight kids that, even without television cameras around, she's got to help feed, clothe, and get places. She has said she always wanted to be a mom, which is why she and Stubby underwent fertility treatments in the first place, and she got her wish in spades. But now, it's pretty clear she doesn't remember how to be anything but a mommy, and it's the only role she's comfortable making the primary focus in her life.

Even a MILF is a mother first, and a sex object second — but she's neither the only nor the oldest mother on the show. Niecy Nash has three kids and is five years older than Kate; Pamela Anderson is 8 years older than Kate and has 3 kids. Yet neither actress hypes their mommy-ness as much as Kate, and both are infinitely more comfortable in their skin as women, as evidenced by their feminine and sexy performances to date.

Watching Kate dance is a painful experience for the viewer -- nearly as painful as it appears to be for Kate. She obviously doesn't regularly wear heels, shake her hips or move her body (i.e., dance) for fun. She doesn't know where her arms are, let alone where they should be, she stands with her feet further apart than her hips, which projects an air of authority when standing in pants and an air of clumsiness when dancing in a short skirt. And her rehearsal videos show she finds the experience frustrating: why can't she make her body act like the other women in the show? Why is Tony's language about what to do with it so frustratingly confusing and vague?

Kate's used to finding people to blame -- we all are -- and it's easy to say that when a teacher isn't getting through to a student that the teacher needs to find another way. But Tony can't make Kate connect with the feminine part of dance because Kate's disconnected from her own feminine self. Mom is mom, she isn't a sexual being, in Kate's mind, and although she's gone under the knife to an unnecessary degree to achieve the outward appearance of sexiness, she doesn't appear sexy because she doesn't feel sexy. It shows in her body, in her frustration with how she can't make it behave as she wants it to behave, in her brittle smiles and her tensed up shoulders.

All the haters on the internet can't hate Kate Gosselin as much as she hates herself, and not because of her dancing. What I'd like to see is for Kate to look into a mirror instead of the camera and mouth the words, "I love you" to her own reflection and really mean it.Until then, even the love of her 8 children isn't going to make her feel right inside.

April 12

2010-04-12T19:16:00.001-07:00

Ooh, check out the black extensions. How much time away from her kids did those cost Khate?

Wah wah wah. Khate admits on national TV that she gets up and checks the news for her name. And what she reads makes her life hell.

Grow the fuck up, Khate. If you really looked at the news, you'd see people with real problems. Plane crashes. Earthquakes. Suicide. Bullying. Those are real problems, not fake problems like Hugh Hefner saying he doesn't want your ass in Playboy. (And here is where I say, really Hef? You don't want to feature a woman with a mature body? Shocker!)

Stop your crying and focus on your kids. You know, your eight little moneymakers. Step away from the extension team and spend time with your children, one on one. Maybe then your life wouldn't be "hell".

So Khate let us know in advance that her dancing was going to suck because of her "hell". Thanks for the warning.

Khate forgot that she was only supposed to wear her "bitch face from hell" last week.

Khate lifts her own leg! Improvement!

Okay, she doesn't look bitchy. She looks bored. Doing the tango.

As usual, Tony does all of the dancing and emotional expression for both of them. He is a trouper.

I think they both want this to be over.

Man, does Khate hate Brooke or what? Every week Brooke gets the Death Glare.

Don't forget to vote!

2010-04-12T19:15:00.001-07:00

Chad Ochocincho (with Cheryl Burke): 1-800-868-3401

Erin Andrews (with Makskim Chmerkovskiy): 1-800-868-3403

Jake Pavelka (with Chelsie Hightower): 1-800-868-3404

Niecy Nash (with Louis van Amstel): 1-800-868-3405

Evan Lysacek (with Anna Trebunskaya): 1-800-868-3406

Nicole Scherzinger (with Derek Hough): 1-800-868-3408

Aiden Turner (with Edyta Sliwinska): 1-800-868-3409

Pamela Anderson (with Damian Whitewood): 1-800-868-3411

The Neat Freak is a Freak

2010-04-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

According to a PDF released by the publisher in advance of "Khate's" new book, she left snacks for the trash collectors. On top of the trash bins.

http://www.zondervan.com/media/samples/pdf/0310318963_samptxt.pdf. Pages 15-16.

Khate "says": "During that time, we exceeded our trash quota so often that we left presents on top of the trash cans in hopes the sanitation workers would take everything we put out. Sometimes we left little snacks, baked goods, or candy — anything we had."

Oh, I see. It's okay for Khate to berate her children in public for getting ice cream or washable markers on their clothes - but she can leave food on top of trash cans for the sanitation workers? Why, Khate? Because they're beneath you?

It's truly stunning how she perceives herself to be so different than the rest of the human race. She fake laughs about what a neat freak she is. "Ooh, look at me! I'm so freaky! Hee hee!" Methinks she's a neat freak when it suits her.

OMG

2010-04-07T06:13:00.001-07:00

Jimmy Fallon was "attacked" by paparazzi and expresses his feelings through dance, exactly like Khate.

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

FYI

2010-04-06T06:26:00.000-07:00

Here is a clip of Tony Dovolani and Melissa Rycroft. This is what a paso doble is supposed to look like. This is what Tony can do when paired with someone who can dance and perform.

Dancing with the non Star

2010-04-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

How much do I love that the story required Khate to wear her natural bitchface?

I imagine this "get out of my way" move is also familiar to Khate. That's right, Tony, choreograph to what she knows.

Just like Steve carries around Khate's purse for her, Tony lifts up Khate's foot and moves it in a graceful manner for her.

Whoa. The make-up, hair, and wardrobe people all hate Khate this week. Lay off the organic macaroons, Khate!

Once again, Tony gets to drag Khate around. It's the highlight of his week.

Once again, there is nobody in the audience to cheer Khate on, since she has no friends or family in her life. So the camera goes to Florence Henderson, who's all "You call that a paso doble?"

Khate doesn't even bother smiling at the judges any more. Hey Tony! If you want Khate to show personality in next week's dance, dress like Steve!

Bruno does another delightful Khate impression. Only he shows animation and more than one facial expression, so that's a 7/10 for Bruno.

Brooke gets the Death Glare for not sucking up to Khate and mentioning that she has 8 children.

By the way, how does putting on all whorish make-up help her kids? I mean, everything she does is to help her kids, right?

Okay, off to vote for Niecy, who remains awesome!

More Khate!

2010-03-31T22:17:00.000-07:00

Every week that Khate is on DWTS is another week where her true self gets exposed.

Couldn't happen to a nicer person!

Dear, sweet Tony tweeted this: "Good morning everyone new day new start it all begins with a smile and a thank you to you all for being so supportive :-)"

Translation: thank you, ABC, for giving Khate the bitch edit.

Next week, the paso doble! I imagine Tony will be the matador/bull, the part that involves moving around. Khate will be the cape, because that part involves just standing there. That part is also sometimes called the bull. Which is perfect, because she's full of shit.

Get your "Free Tony" t-shirt!

More DWTS screencaps

2010-03-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

I had to watch it again. It was so entertaining. But not in the way Khate hoped.

This is where she got lost and bounced from foot to foot.

Can you spot the professional dancer?

Khate is lost and NOT HAPPY. Tony's sleeping on the laundry room floor tonight!

Tony gets to do what Jon only dreamed of - fling Khate around!

If looks could kill...

I used all of my phone votes on Niecy just for this bored look alone. (And also because she's awesome). Note the Bachelor's pity clap.

Bruno, whom I love more than ever, doing the Robot to imitate Khate's dancing "style".

She is not amused.

My god, the hair department hates her. But it's still better than the reverse mullet.

Khate is bored now.

Kate is either pandering to the Christian vote - or cracking her knuckles to take on Tony outside by the bike rack.

You can use the screencaps but link back to me, okay? Get your "Free Tony" t-shirt!

DWTS - March 29

2010-03-29T19:39:00.000-07:00

You know, it wouldn't be a bad thing if BabyMama and her Posse O'Crazy kept Khate in for a couple more weeks. I mean, think of what we'd be missing:

The eye rolls as Bruno insults her in a new way (this week "Stepford wife").

The painful wince as the judges rip her a new one with her scores (love how Tony is a professional! Look at the smile!)

The total inability to hide her seething anger.

I have always loved this show but thought about boycotting it, when Khate was confirmed as a contestant. Now I'm glad I stayed for the train wreck. But I do feel bad for Tony. Look at the crap he has to put up with:

Get your "Free Tony" shirts here!

DWTS Voting

2010-03-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

The voting phone numbers are the same as last week. You are limited to a certain number of votes per your phone number(s), and validated email address.

http://abc.go.com/shows/dancing-with-the-stars/index

Chad Ochocincho (with Cheryl Burke): 1-800-868-3401

Shannen Doherty (with Mark Ballas): 1-800-868-3402

Erin Andrews (with Makskim Chmerkovskiy): 1-800-868-3403

Jake Pavelka (with Chelsie Hightower): 1-800-868-3404

Niecy Nash (with Louis van Amstel): 1-800-868-3405

Evan Lysacek (with Anna Trebunskaya): 1-800-868-3406

Buzz Aldrin (with Ashly Costa): 1-800-868-3407

Nicole Scherzinger (with Derek Hough): 1-800-868-3408

Aiden Turner (with Edyta Sliwinska): 1-800-868-3409

Pamela Anderson (with Damian Whitewood): 1-800-868-3411

Get your "Free Tony" shirts here!

Kate does love shopping carts

2010-03-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

How much do you suppose Kate regrets posing for the paparazzis pushing a shopping cart around?

I love you, Bruno Tonioli

2010-03-22T19:13:00.001-07:00

To vote for anyone but Kate on DWTS:

2010-03-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

You are limited to a certain number of votes per your phone number(s), and validated email address.

http://abc.go.com/shows/dancing-with-the-stars/index

Chad Ochocincho (with Cheryl Burke): 1-800-868-3401

Shannen Doherty (with Mark Ballas): 1-800-868-3402

Erin Andrews (with Makskim Chmerkovskiy): 1-800-868-3403

Jake Pavelka (with Chelsie Hightower): 1-800-868-3404

Niecy Nash (with Louis van Amstel): 1-800-868-3405

Evan Lysacek (with Anna Trebunskaya): 1-800-868-3406

Buzz Aldrin (with Ashly Costa): 1-800-868-3407

Nicole Scherzinger (with Derek Hough): 1-800-868-3408

Aiden Turner (with Edyta Sliwinska): 1-800-868-3409

Pamela Anderson (with Damian Whitewood): 1-800-868-3411

Kate Gosselin Asks Moms To Pool Votes

2010-03-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

PHILADELPHIA - Kate Gosselin has a plan to win “Dancing With The Stars” and it has nothing to with her dancing skills, but with getting her mom fan base to flood phone lines.

Gosselin, 34, has told reporters she will use the mom fan base for “Jon & Kate Plus 8” to swamp the phone vote lines with votes for her.

“I have a team across the country planning to call in for me. We need every vote we can get,” she told Fox411. “There are patches of people everywhere. Tony’s kids and my kids assure us 11 votes!”

Think about what message she is sending to her children.

Source.

Baby Mama is orgasming with excitement

2010-03-05T21:01:00.000-08:00

Running away, just like Kate

2010-02-20T22:36:00.000-08:00

The Story

Also a sign of the Apocalypse

2010-02-09T21:43:00.000-08:00

Because there isn't one bandwagon she won't jump on...

People Still Believe Kate

2010-02-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

Sheeple of the world, rejoice! The Golden Mother is "writing" another book!

Kate's Letters
Dear Aaden: You're the Professor, right? If Mommy can get another freebie, I'll take you to the zoo again. But don't even ask if I have to spend my own money on what you want to do. And there has to be a camera crew too.

Dear Alexis: My God, you are loud. You even breathe loud, just like your father. Knock it off.

Dear Cara: Thank you for growing those long nails, so that people comment about them and it gives me something to say about you. You have long nails.

Dear Collin: Thank you for being the one who likes to clean and organize. Some girl is going to be lucky to marry a whipped boy like you!

Dear Joel: Which one are you again? Are you still on the laundry room floor?

Dear Leah: Thank you for finally learning to projectile vomit into the toilet, whenever you want attention. You make it so much easier for the maid to clean up after you.

Dear Mady: You are not in the will.

My dear, precious, beautiful Hannah: How I love how you love me. How I love how you cling to me and let me know that I am the most important person in your life. You are a leader and a role model. I love your Cousin It hair.

The Kids' Letters from the Year 2040:

Dear Mother: We hope you are enjoying your stay at the Shady Pines retirement home. We must regretfully decline your request for money to spend on manicures and hooker shoes and ratty extensions. And no, we will not pay for dry cleaning. It's your own fault if you ruin your clothing with ice cream and Crayola markers.
Cordially, Aaden, Joel, Leah, Cara.

Dear Mother: Bite me.
Alexis.

Dear Mother: I regretfully must decline your request to "guest host" my decorating show. Nobody cares about you any more.
Collin.

Dear Old Lady Hooker: I've made millions of dollars writing books and giving interviews about what a horrible shrew of a mother you are. No, you can't have any of it.
Mady.

Dearest Mommy: It's ever so scary out here in the real world without a crew. More importantly, I'm so scared to be living apart from you. I'm thinking of getting a job at Shady Pines so I can be close to you 24/7.
Much love, Hannah.

Just in time for the holiday season!

2009-10-25T16:45:00.000-07:00

In a heartwarming gesture, Jon Gosselin welcomes Kate's brother Kevin, and the awesome Aunt Jodi, to the KONpound to see the kids.

Kate expresses an interest in her children

2009-10-18T19:40:00.000-07:00

When will it end?

2009-07-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

Click on the picture for a larger version.

Stay classy, Jon

2009-07-13T20:04:00.000-07:00

Since Kate has vowed to not badmouth Jon ...

2009-06-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

Kate just hates the p-people

2009-06-29T18:30:00.001-07:00

Stay classy, Kate

2009-06-12T22:50:00.000-07:00

Kate interacts with one of her moneymakers

2009-05-20T19:57:00.000-07:00

Kate Can Too Show Gratitude

2009-05-08T17:26:00.001-07:00

Kate's Defender Speaks!

2009-05-08T17:17:00.001-07:00

Two Can Play At That Game

2009-05-06T22:48:00.001-07:00

Kate fears the gravy train might end

2009-02-12T19:38:00.001-08:00

Kate Gosselin wants you to listen to her

2009-01-31T21:11:00.000-08:00

On the next episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8

2008-12-29T09:27:00.000-08:00

January 12 - Walk in the Woods

Kate Gosselin speaks to a fan

2008-12-21T22:17:00.000-08:00

Santa has a message for Jon & Kate

2008-12-14T19:28:00.000-08:00

Jon and Kate Gosselin understand each other

2008-12-12T18:10:00.000-08:00

Jon and Kate Gosselin renew their vows

2008-12-09T11:47:00.001-08:00

Kate Gosselin has a lovely smile

2008-12-08T21:01:00.000-08:00

How Jon & Kate stay happily married

2008-12-08T21:00:00.001-08:00

Let us praise Kate Gosselin

2008-12-08T20:54:00.000-08:00

Kate Gosselin beckons her husband

2008-12-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

Kate Gosselin loves Halloween

2008-12-08T20:48:00.001-08:00

Kate speaks lovingly to Jon

2008-12-08T20:45:00.000-08:00

Jon and Kate Gosselin thank their fans

2008-12-08T20:18:00.000-08:00